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Nostalgic Dread

by Desolate Blight

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1.
Solar Haze 04:15
creep inside justify the empty sky i walk around like nothing happened in my mind redundant reasons reminiscent of revealing revenge repeatedly runs rampant, rampaged revolution rotating around repressed relinquished desires, remind me again the sovereign of slithering supreme suggestions somberly severing the sober day from the utterly painful world i’m not really awake i never was only forced to live day by day like a walking corpse people wear masks, mine is like a vulture or like a parasite, i guess who knows what my mind will imagine next faded into the night sky the memories of who i am i’m the keeper of my own demise confused at the color gray, i remind myself that i will not take back the times we had will rot inside my head with me disgusted by my own empty vision don’t forget all i ever do is let people forget please don’t try to feel sorry for me it’s my fault I know it is burn the feelings off with the torch or your words i can’t tell you which is worse and whisper my name to reveal a truth i have consumed bothering me, i hear the noise trying to remember what it was you tried to hide i hear the noise again oh i see now it’s your empty disguise
2.
Permanence 03:25
(i watch the stars as i sit on the ground covered in glass my emotions never found) i read through your bloodshot eyes the lines you're constantly trying to hide i’m sorry, i can’t take you out of your bind your eloquently passing by driving me to be enticed reminded by everything you believe in the reasons we walk alone is because the world neglects us believing every lie ever spoken i am just fine it’s crazy i didn’t think i’d be in the position i was, but seeing your eyes in the moonlight let me know the feeling was true i hate myself and i kept screaming i wanted it too my voice cracks when i’m trying to describe the help i need i’m begging and scratching at the door that’s locked behind me visualize an exit and that’s me you’re inevitably the best, your shortcomings bring upon something i want to help you express if it’s ever too much, don’t be afraid to let me go everyone does in the end it’s all i’ve ever known i dream about being able to lay by your side, and gaze into your eyes to let you know that you’ll always be my guide i dress myself up in every word you’ve thrown at me lust into the world the words blinding i can't remember the words you told me but i am here, waiting for you to come back don't try to disguise the feelings i try to hide, i'm empty i say this every time i'm lost without you by my side
3.
stopped i often find myself in the brisk feeling of remorse wondering if i’m the only one guilty enough to feel this genuinely questioning my sanity as i stare at the ceiling i’m losing it or maybe i was lost to begin with. not really sure who i am anymore the only thing i really know is these thoughts i can’t ignore benign beings blissfully sleeping breathing nevermore after complaining about the sunrise i don’t know what i’d even do if i felt alive maybe slip back into the mindset i keep trying to disguise i’m sick of every single bad decision that i make it’s like i know the mirror is dirty yet i divulge in the disgusting taste wondering what it'd be like to just stare at your eyes an emptiness but yet emotional the thought remains a prize something i hold dear to me the ground shakes when i walk but only because i lose my breath and i’m never able to hear myself talk hearing it over and over again seeing older versions of myself do people really think that we grow up to be the future or is it all forgotten hope i don’t think i know for once i’d like to be able to feel my skin and not be reminded that i sin for once i’d like to be awake and not remind myself that i yearn for the death i embrace. jump back into the lake let’s drown together call it chance hold my hand i promise this is all part of the plan to die together look me in the eyes and think of something better you’re my best friend i love you to death i know it doesn’t seem like it but the only reason i’m like this is because my mind won’t ever let me forget
4.
Cassiopeia 01:28
5.
perpetually falling into a trip of my own design losing myself inside my mind a new cult, i offer up my soul guilted to change my personal perspective no one will listen, i must give you all my last confession i’m so sick of being here these words mean nothing as i stare at myself with fear this beautiful life, lord i beg and plea an offer to you, if you can’t save me i’m ashamed, i’m sorry please just save your sorrow for my lifeless body at the end lies the endless light will i never be apart of this life hopefully i’ll be a king to one otherwise i’ll carve my name into the sun i’ll draw apart the times i ran away from you, but it’s no use i’m showing signs of becoming used the cold fingers linger with the taste of forcing you i’m hurt dubiously showing the world the truth i’ll draw apart the times i ran away from you i did bad things no one but me knows the truth i’m sorry mom you know i tried to hide it but here we are, everyone can see inside it (i’ll trade the stars to exchange my life for yours smiling at me, delusionally hiding it all inside my head) i’m not innocent, this much i’ve sought the only way i’ll be happy is if someone helps me rot i try to piece together the lines i tore apart but there’s no hope, i’ll have to cross the line, the inevitable freedom i’m so tired of waking up when i come to an end, hopefully you’ll hear my songs, and understand this wasn’t a mistake. i’ve been in agony for years writing it here, begging to be heard. i’ve become a shell someone who lost perception of what’s real, you let me get this way. but no one would’ve guessed better because i know, i just wanted a taste formerly pressed by my own vision of god, here i lay waste to the idea i sought. i’m no longer me, please use me until i cannot breathe chaotic misery the absence of our demeanor i’m trapped with a new light can you just let me live?
6.
understanding opulence an advantage built on disaster itself i've come to terms with myself acting upon change reacting to the breathing of the earth thinking back relapse, collapse i’m not burning down to ash pleasure in the eyes of this hindrance leave this, believe us burning down the ash i must confess, endless bliss collusion’s burnt down in ash of us ponder me hold the thoughts i want to become ash, ive become obsessed with this staring at the wall of flames i know by now the past has called my name have i found a way to walk backwards without shame or is this what it feels like to hold onto nightmares or is this what it feels like to hold onto nightmares (holding onto to all my fears) not the kind of creature i thought i’d become but i guess this isn’t a hardwood floor either looks like i’ll just succumb to the ether tell me more lies like this to help me bind my life for the keepers blistering conversation, the noise makes me feel pain like nails to a chalkboard, i’m repulsed by the thought of change addictive personalities around me begging me to be whole again this time i promise i won’t let you go knowing everything around me will never be my home don’t leave me alone, i fear abandonment, the only love the world can show thrusting deep inside my mind vulgar visions offer time i’m disgusted realize, operating with no disguise disrespectfully bastardized, my brother left me here to die gouge out my eyes walking around with intent in my head every single thing i write makes people think i crave death come follow me i’ll show you that we can’t walk together without burying our filthy shame
7.
Intrinsic 03:06
with nothing left to lose, our minds are left to wander if it's our names we choose closed off to the world, a word of chance nothing besides the romance a vision true to many, i watch myself bleed forgotten bliss, an army built without a peak the sun glows, my eyes burn i didn't ask for any of this i'm sorry, but now it's your turn brother, why? what's up? i seem to stutter, can you keep a secret if i asked you too? she's here to keep us apart the moon believes it's lies, begging for a brand new star if i walk alone don't try to change my mind the sun glows, my eyes burn i didn't ask for any of this i'm sorry, but now it's your turn i believe it's all here to make me hollow don't tell stories about my name with nothing left to lose the moon glistens, nobody listens rest in peace, beautifully
8.
shades of pink bother me i close my eyes, and i feel defeat the sound of catastrophic melodies ringing inside my head how can i describe this feeling? prescripted perspectives have become my dreams diluted suffering illusionary diversions plague my life i leave but i’m back here again breathing thin (i breathe it all in) wonder why (and then i wonder why) no single hand (i wish you’d take my hand) to guide my light (show me the pain inside) so empty, and yet you realize that this was what brought me here your oceanic disguise, my reflective personality, a recipe for disaster this crown of guilt has been bestowed upon your head truth be told, i wonder if you still think of me, as i do for you drug abuse, my true demise born torn apart without eyes no one here by my side i didn’t want to leave this life you can’t blame this mess it’s really bad again i hide it all inside my skin i close my eyes feel defeat how can I describe this feeling prescripted perspectives in my dreams don’t fall asleep truth be told I thought I’d die with these you say I shouldn’t hold these thoughts but here we are with you writing them down i count the days until I’m back ashes fall the room turns blue again hopefully i will too
9.
Delirium 04:29
the air i've been breathing lately has been so thin, every single time i find myself counting within, things that feel okay, i'll be fine without it lost within the shame because i met you, i've been lost inside my head i don't understand why everyone only wants me dead because of these feelings, my thoughts yearn for the end the empty bed i leave when i'm awake, it's something i regret i can't. process the sounds you make i crawl back to you you'll always win the grave shackles, my knees buckle i can taste the guilt i really am sorry, it's like my brain has turned to nothing thinking of how weak i truly am, this body i possess will it really be the end wanting to be more to it this beautiful sunset my mind in a daze light it up in flames let's enjoy this, or maybe make this up i am not here, shake me till i wake up because i am the only truth that must be pursued, walk with me, by my side let me live "your smile, it's the only thing that i can say i want for the rest of my life. i'll never truly understand what brought us here, but for now i promise everything is alright. even though my eyesight gets blurry every night, you speak, my mind wanders. the only thing i know is: i'm nothing without the comfort of you by my side. and now i'm left with this burden to carry on, and i know we'll never meet again, but i'll always be here, waiting." the only thing i seek, i bury myself in the feeling witnesses stay by your side, but no one deserves the truth
10.
i’ve dreaded this exact moment held back by the taste of it all a bitterness left on my lips after our fall swinging back and forth I leave behind the sight a future just a weakening disguise possessed confess your feelings left up high you don’t care about my feelings, hanging by a thread i walk around i pace around lost forgetting why i came here your name my stomach turns i hate the thought of ever feeling like this was just a curse you’re such a liar but even if you lie, i can’t tell you how much it hurts without you by my side i’m fucking sick of this take it like you took everything else bury me, all you do is lie this fucked up city all it knows is hate everybody around me continues to be fake don’t laugh at me not a single sound to make culture vultures picking up the torch and burning with their throats out light it up set my body ablaze burn it down with all that you love i never felt so fucking low, inducing vomit inside this putrid home like a knife wound to the ribs i’ve adjusted to feel disgusted, when will you ever learn?
11.
Moonless II 07:32
i said it wouldn’t matter, now here i lie awake grabbing at straws while i feel my bed shake isn’t it funny who we become when we sleep we’re always alone, forever empty and weak bring me to the shadows hollow out the feelings place it on the altar it’ll stop the bleeding begging for forgiveness or am i lying to myself i breathe when I’m awake so how could i know anything else staring at photos of us only makes things worse a sinking feeling to digress the thoughts that won’t disperse i once heard you say “i love the way you think” everlasting life but only sorrow must repeat told there’s multiple choice answers to every single one of life’s questions but can you tell me why it feels like i’m running circles into depression hiding how i feel inside the pressure is out i’m stuck i can’t decide i know, you left for a reason but for now i am released forever resting in the wind i can now be at peace utterly confused but still devoted to the sound faking laughs and smiles it’s a gift that i have found not a peep or else the guilt leads us to the ground but trust me, that’s the goal at least a token, to be forever bound don’t forget that you’re the one who created this wound nothing else diverts the night a truth i must consume belittle my division, all divine, immortal tune. first time i’ll ever admit you’re right, that i’m the devil’s muse i tried to find the goals i seek through feelings that are evil conversations in the dark everything’s deceitful beauty runs through every lie divulge the beast lets burn our eyes i'm gold though torn to shreds my mind a stone ,always heavy weighing down my head, with all the tone shift a true believer i’m the one and only true deceiver i’ve relapsed even though i said i won’t i’m going to leave today for i have lied a bitter one the goal was to feel a lie i told to everyone but mostly just to heal (a lie i told to everyone, but mostly just to heal) blinded to every bridge i’ve ever burned but that’s because the smoke has been the reason my head turns opposition my heart glistens yesterday a path i walk, while no one really listens. bring me to the shadows hollow out the feelings place it on an altar it’ll stop the bleeding begging for forgiveness or am i lying to myself i breathe when i’m awake so how could i know anything else
12.
calling back, time has passed i’ve looked back, into my thoughts with empty eyes staring at clocks i had the energy to be but intrusive thoughts blister me collections of memories bleeding through my white t-shirt i wish i could fix this but i walk in reverse, i'm no longer me the ocean of light but i’m a puppet, the man without sight the waves, they call unto me shadowfall has been here and taken me beneath. you know, i followed the steps everything you laid out for me but why do i fall down begging to be free i’m oppressed this should not sink but here i lay red eyed, empty and weak i listen to the wind cool and collected, the sounds we make on repeat ready to be alone, release me from my throne a ton of weight would float above float away with me i’m trying to remember what it was we said was it something i promised you? a day to come to bed? i’ll lie to myself just a feeling i’ll forget it hurts me to even look your way the only one that faked this was your name you even tried to tell me everything was okay i'm disgusted at the thought of remaining awake for your sake please just forget me calling back, time has passed i’ve looked back, into my thoughts with empty eyes staring at clocks i had the energy to be but intrusive thoughts blister me
13.
Untitled 03:35
i feel like i’m constantly writing everything down even when i know that i should be walking alive, joining the crowd i’m left here pondering if it’s my fault you left or if i should just remind myself that these memories are the only real bliss i know i’m replacing the thoughts of you with words like i’m painting a picture even if that sounds absurd i don’t know how else to deal with regret i want to do something louder that I’ll never forget contort my image of you with the embers of my remorse i drank and i drank, i only ever felt worse even when i know that i only want to die i tell myself it’s because i’ve never truly felt alive and no, i know depression isn’t something that i’m gonna fake but all the world has ever done is take i feel like i can’t even remember my own name let alone my fathers face the emptiness i feel knowing he’s still alive, knowing that one day i’ll be the thing my family hangs onto of him it hurts thinking about the people i’ve lost so many words that are stuck between a frost i wish for whatever reason i could help us put it all behind us and no you don’t have to ever forgive me, no you don’t i’ll be alone in the sea with my sorrows to help me float the feeling that reminds me, guides me, hiding it all inside me is it hate or is it fate i can’t distinguish anything anymore it’s all too blurry don’t correlate the sound of my voice that i leave behind with everything you regret don’t summarize we all have our chance to be better the past walks aligns us feeling bitter i worry that when people say love and hate are familiar feelings that in reality i’m not going to say i’m a duality formed from the ashes of everything healing i don’t know what’s worse because i love to hate myself so i don’t blame you i really don’t because who would want to hate something they grew to love. i just really don’t want you to forget everything that made me feel like i wasn’t a disappointment especially because everyone always tells me to grow up
14.
Deliverance 01:17
15.
Ego Death 12:15
white lights are surrounding me, i can’t breathe the thought of this keeps me from sleep walking around in circles the taste of this strip taints my sight I’m blinded alone empty and weak, the clocks bleed everything around me is pink i can’t believe my feet keep walking towards the end of the street the road blisters and boils everywhere, it's losing me, i’m full of sorrow, no speech we forget the point in which we can return i watch as the world continues to burn leave me here with my sins, an option of pure bliss crept into my skin almost out the shine can’t keep withering thin flowers wilt in non stop sunlight time passes, give meaning to my life i am a demon, adulterated heathen oblivious deceiver cultivated by believing question my desire obligated by the fire hold that thought, the turning begins to transpire take a deep breath, lost my mind trickle down like water, i have nothing left to find perverse, contort, justify your own court take a deep breath watch the wind collect your thoughts, hold them deep within erase everything i’ve built knock down my faith remorse fills my lungs with guilt i feel my skin, tearing it off is my favorite sin truly sought out to be more than light life drains us, leaves us here to die it’s the balance collisions in my head i beg to be abandoned utmost divinity, the paper brings respect we’re nothing but a disgusting hole waste away with no regrets, your desire means nothing to the fire the road breaks apart again a drought is caused inside my mind genuinely cannot see with open eyes lost in the woods, stumble upon guilt (i want to be free) i must reflect i’m just upset cannot accept that i’m depressed the sky is lined with a version of black eyes belligerent controlling, bastardized intent breathing bliss, born into this you never let me live it down i swore to you i’d wear this crown, hearing every single moment of regret i’ve lived up until now, broadcasted live and burnt into my skin i’m a living monument of everything you hate don’t try to hide your feelings i’ll die before i walk back into the dirt you eat away at my skin from the inside out i’m in pain because of everything i’ve dealt with these words echo through me like material delusion in the woodwork i try to hide the emotional distress but i’m diseased, this life isn’t for me everything seems like it’s being brought to life the mark of forbidden intelligence, no single disguise all of your lies swarm to me like flies, unholy divinity the oppression built upon disrespectful desire justify the ways i’ve been abused, i see through everything even if i’m confused, the light blisters my peaking has only just begun double take, the ground shakes losing perception looking back, yearn for more counting the seconds as the sound of the ticking beckons opportunity blessing my deception mortal disposition, writing it all here religious diffusion looking at my reflection, am i infected with everything you left i am not going to lie hoping to never again open my eyes at one point I have to admit that i was being torn apart limb from limb everything that i’ve learned i’ll take it with me to my grave this is only just the beginning a newfound reason to preach about every feeling i’ve ever faked a newfound reason to continue this simulated game i haven’t lost myself, or have i and i’m just making excuses confusingly grabbing at my head as i shake it, i can’t shake this empty feeling why do i regret so much why do i regret so much i am confused i'm really sorry i’m sorry for being me i can’t believe you’d really leave i’m sorry for being me this ego it must end

about

the sophomore release from post-deathcore dweebs desolate blight is a record that starts right where they left off in lucid connection, beginning with what feels like the awakening of a lost soul inside of a cryogenic chamber, and continuing to relentlessly throw you into a frenzy of emotions, inspired by real life experiences and our most personal lyrics yet, nostalgic dread is an emotional rollercoaster that aims to make you feel like you're in a time where things were simpler. do we have to keep talking in the third person? i really hope not

credits

released October 27, 2020

recorded in noel's bedroom
additional programming, mixing and mastering by evan van dyne
artwork by hunter derr of ritual season media
original photo taken by drake cutrer

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Desolate Blight San Antonio, Texas

texas post-deathcore dorks

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